Dear Thoughts,
You are not always there for me.
Like I expect
You’re sometimes mean to me.
Like I expect
You are that comfortable pain.
Like I expect
But don’t misunderstand
Although I expect different
Sometimes different is unhealthy
That’s why I require daily check-ins
Just to make sure we’re still ok
Although suicide was the plan
I take a stand.
To fight for our mental state.
Learning to love me always,
Lakell
How are you feeling mentally?
02/18/01:59
This moment really took my breath away. When I was 11yrs old my stepfather molested me on the way to and from this agency. When we arrived they were closed so I never made it inside as child. It was the worst car ride of my life.
But it’s funny how this second chance was presented to me.
I was at work when I was invited to a comedy show by this guy. He handed me his card and suggested that I should come out to his comedy show.
As I glanced at it, I noticed it had the name” William-Reynolds Agency” on the bottom line of this business card. I couldn’t believe it. I just assumed that this business would be closed after all these years.
Once I found out they were still open I promised myself that I would finally make it inside. I just wanted to be step inside just for a minute as I was suppose to do that morning years ago.
So on June 5, 2015 I walked in the door of the agency FREELY. I was completely overwhelmed as I just stood there in the middle of the floor. A young woman named Mrs. J. Jackson greeting me with “How may I help you?” I replied” I just want to stand here.” I’m trying so hard to keep from crying. She then replied without hestitation” I will stand with you then” as she wrapped her arms around. I cried and cried. I couldn’t hold it anymore. Because I finally made it in.
With Hugs and Love,
Lakell
02/18/00:23
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for waking me up this morning.
I feeling ready and rested to live in this day.
I am grateful.
I am honored to be chosen by you Lord.
Thank you for a second chance to begin again.
I will follow your lead.
I will surrender to your WILL.
I grow along the way.
In your Name I pray,
AMEN
02/13/22:57
Dear Love,
We made it another Valentine’s Day together separately.
We have grown in love individually with ourselves then one another.
In love completely
From the moment God said you were ready for me and I for you
Instantly in His time
You respect me inside and out
All of me
Even when I didn’t love myself
I grew up in my thoughts
Because you support me
You laugh with me genuinely
Since I have no sense at all
When funny things occur around me.
You protect me physically and hold my dreams close to your heart as well .
You pray for me.
You pray with me.
God set this up nicely.
I love you
Because HE said it was safe to
I love you
Because you bring the best out of me.
I love you baby,
Happy Valentine’s Day❤❤❤
02/11/23:54pm
Hey Survivors,
Be confident in the love you give.
It is a direct reflection of who you are to the world.
It’s a responsibility that only the strong can carry.
I will take my life and share it in your life so you can be the light of the next life you come in contact with today.
Show everything.
Transfer the apparent scarred parts so they can be seen.
This is where life is introduced to the lesson.
Be confident in the love you give.
It is a direct reflection of who YOU are to the world.
With Hugs and Love,
Lakell
What lesson have you learned from love?
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for allowing me to see another day.
Another chance at this life to live.
I want to thank you today for your love, Lord
You love me when I have a hard time loving myself.
you whisper sweet reminders to my soul that only your love is real.
When you talk to me I hear love.
When you answer me I feel love.
When you protect me your covering is love.
When you change me I see love.
Thank you for you are the light of my life, Lord
In your name
I pray
AMEN
2/3/15:27pm
I am a survivor again today
Like every day since the second month
and fourth day nine years ago
It started with a nudge from God
followed by a obedient doctor
who felt my heart and pain
to my acceptance of the information given
with an ingenuine attempt to follow through
but God kept nudging me
reminding me that I promised to move next time
HE showed up
744 hours of second guessing
until today
I’m glad I accepted God’s healing
So today I could have the opportunity to celebrate
a huge milestone in my survivor life
I’ve cried, I’ve been depressed, I opened my heart to live again.
Today I thank you God for my counselor Mrs. Ann Mcleod
who has lead me closer to you for the last 9 years.
It’s my SURVIVORVERSARY!!!
With Hugs and Love,
Lakell
When is your survivorversary? Let’s celebrate!!!!!
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for filling my heart up with possibilities for all I pray for daily.
I love the unexpected glimpse into the next chapter for me.
You show me that if I remain grateful and faithful that nothing is impossible.
And as a bonus you drop people in my life that confirm your plan for me.
Your angels are extremely obedient to you orders.
I receive all the good news.
I wait patiently for the ultimate reveal.
I Love and Honor you,Lord
In your Name,
I Pray
AMEN
1/21/21:30pm
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for making this day possible for me to see.
A day of hope and rest in knowing all that I want and desire will soon come to pass.
I will remain grateful in this journey because I can finally see what is next for me.
Your belief in my ability to walk ahead in places I haven’t seen yet has strengthened my faith to know only YOU have the power to decided whether a door opens or closes.
I finally believe in ME.
Thank you Lord.
In Your Name,
I Pray
AMEN
1/12/8:41am
My day started off pretty good. I woke up to another day of chances after falling asleep the night before trying to finally finish a writing project I’ve been “meaning to finish” every month since 2016!!
It’s amazing how much time I’ve wasted but to know me is to know this has always been part of my process. I vowed this year I would bet on me and keep the promises I make to myself.
Anyways..
I got up with this project on my mind first thing this morning. My momentum is still running on high from the night before. The first thing I thought to do was to grab my laptop so I could continue on my writing project. But I needed some noise in my space so I grabbed my phone and turned on Youtube to check out a video notification that came through a few minutes ago.
My concentration patterns are weird even to me sometimes. I can turn any Youtube video into a podcast real quick. Ha!! Especially if I am in a time pinch. Sometimes you just have to go with what works for you.
As I am typing and changing the font on the title of this project my words are really beginning to flow. I haven’t felt this kind creativity in awhile. The closer I get to finishing the more the sense of accomplish grows in me. I have made my last excuse today when it comes to this project. I am tired of hearing myself repeat ” I will finish it today” Well today has finally come.
As I typed the last sentence to on the last page of my writing project I suddenly experience a great feeling of accomplishment.
Ahhh….What a sense of peace!! I am finished!!
Yay me!!!* insert happy dance*
I can’t believe I can finally scratch this goal off my list. At last, I have officially created my first journey guide for my weekly journaling class taught by little ole me. My students will be so proud of me for pushing through this since I have been promising to finish this workbook for them.
Today I learned that I am the one holding my growth back if I allow procrastination to stand in the way.
With Hugs and Love,
Lakell
How did you show up for your promises today?
Living as Lakell 