March 30, 2020

9:43 p.m.

Never in a million years would I’ve ever thought the place and space I would grow up in as a child would be full of broken safety. I spent a lot of time trying to find my place in the world. I never felt like I fitted in anywhere. I was always the outsider in the group. I had a hard time making friends even before the abuse happened. I made up in my mind that I was just different instead unwanted. I just wanted to feel safe and that’s what happen when I started writing my feelings down on paper.

I wrote in the dark with tears stream down my face many nights. I allowed my journal to keep my secrets feelings of suicide and low self-esteem so I could sleep at night. I continued this practice well throughout my teenage years to cope with my abuse. I couldn’t trust anyone so I decide to trust me and the way I showed trust to myself was through my nightly writing session in the dark.

When I became an adult I transitioned into writing songs and poems to continue to strengthen this very safe place I had created for myself with the support of God’s hand on my shoulder for reassurance that things would get better just keep writing yourself those letters. It has been a pivotal part of my healing process that I continue to do each and every day. Although I have come a long, long way from when I first started this journey I still have some work to finish. I hope your safe place is still safe for you as well.

With lots of love and a big hug,

Lakell