I am a survivor of child molestation who believes in honoring the survivors of sexual every year in April. For the last three years I’ve had the honor of hosting a safe place platform named The Living as a Survivor Telesummit. The platform gave women and men the opportunity to share their stories of surviving sexual, physical and mental abuse whether it was at the hands of their parents, family or friends.
This year I’ve decided to recap of some of the survivor’s sayings mentioned during thee interviews. Please be mindful that a trigger warning has been placed on this content. I pray the journey to healing for you is as freeing as mine has been for me so far.
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For the last few days I’ve been waking up asking God first thing “Why am I alone?” I know I left my ex-husband eight years ago because I was struggling with some hurt of my own but I never expected to be single for the rest of my life God.” Or at least that’s how it feels. Then I began to reflect on the fact that I am alone when it comes to family as well. As large as my family is I have not one cousin who I can just pick up the phone and say “let’s hang out. I’ll be over in a minute” Why is this? Not to mention I have no kids at the age of 42. Again, I ask “Why is this?” and the way my mind works these questions will stay on repeat until they are answered. Luckily all my answers showed up this evening.
As the hours passed through the day, I felt better about something really significant. With all the responsibilities of being a parent to my siblings growing up it is probably time for me to be alone in order to reset and reflect on what I want my life to look and feel like at the end of each day. So when I was invited out to catch up with a friend that was in town visiting I jumped on it. Not because I needed something to do but because I knew the energy, I would be spending with this group of individuals would be reciprocated.
So around 6:30 p.m. we met up for dinner. We talked, laughed,
ate and talked some more. It was a great feeling to catch up on what this
particular friend had going on since they relocated to be closer to their
family. I felt at home as I spent time with them. It was at this moment I
realized the feeling of being alone wasn’t due to the lack of positioned people
such as a husband, cousin or a longtime high school friend. It’s due to my lack
of appreciation for what I already have in my life. Family members cross my
path in unexpected ways all the time. No they aren’t blood related but sometimes
the best love come from the people you don’t know. The best thing about this is
I know them when I feel them. The love and energy are undeniable.
So back to me feeling alone. Sometimes I just need a gently reminder that I’m never alone I am just sitting still. My life is more than a shadow.
I am grateful that you saw fit for me to continue your work today, Lord.
I wake up today with a clear mind, soul and heart
which will make room for the thoughts, feelings and love you have in store for me today.
I surrender to your Will today Lord.
Thank you for choosing me to carry the light.
Although sometimes I doubt I am worthy of such an assignment
you remind me that I was called.
Lord, please cover my readers as they travel through out their day.
Bless every step and speak to their hearts right now , Oh Lord.
I said I love you..
but you replied” that’s not what I said”
but I heard you
you replied” it wasn’t me
maybe it was the voices in your head”
I don’t understand why not
because that’s what you are suppose to do.
You’re my mother, my father, you’re my sister and my friend
and you are suppose to be my lover
but when I responded” I love you”
you said ” that’s not what I said”
What was the misunderstanding of what you said
was it the fact that I needed it , wanted it
or was it the fact that you showed it but really didn’t mean it.
Why did I misunderstand what you said when I clearly heard you say I love you
or did you say I hate you
It feels like a familiar translation of what I wished you would say.
I said I love you..
but you replied” that’s not what I said”
Question: How many times have you misunderstood the intentions of the word love in relationships?
Thank you for allowing me to see and live in today. I feel the joy of this day already in my heart. I believe you have great things in store for me.
I request out loud my silent prayers for a healthier temple while living the full-time entrepreneur life. I am out growing my corporate job as you already know from my moans and groans. I am grateful for the experience of the valuable skills plus the steady paycheck. I have grown and learned a lot.
Thank you for keeping the desires of my heart alive so I may live in them before they are fully revealed to me. I will continue to work with a faithful heart in preparation for the next big move.
I surrender to your Will today Lord. I accept the need to prepare for the plan you have for me with no complaints. I will stay focused, grateful and faithfully.
Have you ever really took the time to sit with your emotions? Do you know what your happy feels like and when you are living in it the most? If your answer is no, let’s see what we can do about that right now:)
I have learned that emotions have a life as well. They can control you negatively or positively based on the decision you make after the feeling is executed. It’s all up to you.
For me I have started becoming more aware of how I really feel due to me active involvement in daily journaling. Journaling is so much more than just writing.
But that’s another blog for another day 🙂
Today I would like to discuss how you rate your happy. Do you wait for someone to let you know if your happy or do you control your own happiness? Yes, No or maybe:)
Here is a mini journaling assignment I do to remind myself to live in the moment with my emotions right now.
Here is a sample of my journaling assignment for today:
I am happiest when my heart feels….
The lesson I gained from today’s assignment is that paying attention to my heart determines how I show up in my today.
I challenge you to do yourself a favor tonight and complete this assignment. Let me know if it was helpful for you as well.
So until next time…Remember you are alive to live!!