Tag: author

Living in a Safe Place

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

March 30, 2020

9:43 p.m.

Never in a million years would I’ve ever thought the place and space I would grow up in as a child would be full of broken safety. I spent a lot of time trying to find my place in the world. I never felt like I fitted in anywhere. I was always the outsider in the group. I had a hard time making friends even before the abuse happened. I made up in my mind that I was just different instead unwanted. I just wanted to feel safe and that’s what happen when I started writing my feelings down on paper.

I wrote in the dark with tears stream down my face many nights. I allowed my journal to keep my secrets feelings of suicide and low self-esteem so I could sleep at night. I continued this practice well throughout my teenage years to cope with my abuse. I couldn’t trust anyone so I decide to trust me and the way I showed trust to myself was through my nightly writing session in the dark.

Photo by Josh Nuttall on Unsplash

When I became an adult I transitioned into writing songs and poems to continue to strengthen this very safe place I had created for myself with the support of God’s hand on my shoulder for reassurance that things would get better just keep writing yourself those letters. It has been a pivotal part of my healing process that I continue to do each and every day. Although I have come a long, long way from when I first started this journey I still have some work to finish. I hope your safe place is still safe for you as well.

With lots of love and a big hug,

Lakell

Mental Suicide

Dear Thoughts,

You are not always there for me.

Like I expect

You’re sometimes mean to me.

Like I expect

You are that comfortable pain.

Like I expect

But don’t misunderstand

Although I expect different

Sometimes different is unhealthy

That’s why I require daily check-ins

Just to make sure we’re still ok

Although suicide was the plan

I take a stand.

To fight for our mental state.

 

Learning to love me always,

Lakell

 

How are you feeling mentally?

Salute to the Savior Sunday

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for allowing me to see another day.

Another chance at this life to live.

I want to thank you today for your love, Lord

You love me when I have a hard time loving myself.

you whisper sweet reminders to my soul that only your love is real.

When you talk to me I hear love.

When you answer me I feel love.

When you protect me your covering is love.

When you change me I see love.

Thank you for you are the light of my life, Lord

In your name

I pray

AMEN

9 years of Survivorship

 

2/3/15:27pm

I am a survivor again today

Like every day since the second month

and fourth day nine years ago

It started with a nudge from God

followed by a obedient doctor

who felt my heart and pain

to my acceptance of the information given

with an ingenuine attempt to follow through

but God kept nudging me

reminding me that I promised to move next time

HE showed up

744 hours  of second guessing

until today

I’m glad I accepted God’s healing

So today I could have the opportunity to celebrate

a huge milestone in my survivor life

I’ve cried, I’ve been depressed, I opened my heart to live again.

Today  I thank you God for my counselor Mrs. Ann Mcleod

who has lead me closer to you for the last 9 years.

It’s my SURVIVORVERSARY!!!

With Hugs and Love,

Lakell

 

When is your survivorversary?  Let’s celebrate!!!!!

Journey Revisit {TGIF}

11/17/2017

21:30 pm

Hey Survivors,

I have some heart medicine for you:)

Click here to check out “11 ways to feel your heart’s desire lines” blog post to follow along with the series.

How does your heart feel right now?

With Hugs and Love,

Lakell

Salute to the Savior Sunday

11/12/9:35 am

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for allowing me to see and live in today.  I feel the joy of this day already in my heart.  I believe you have great things in store for me.

I request out loud my silent prayers for a healthier temple while living the full-time entrepreneur life.  I am out growing my corporate job as you already know from my  moans and groans.  I am grateful for the experience of the valuable skills plus the steady paycheck.  I have grown and learned a lot.

Thank you for keeping the desires of my heart alive so I may live in them before they are fully revealed to me.  I will continue to work with a faithful heart in preparation for the next big move.

I surrender to your Will today Lord.  I accept the need to prepare for the plan you have for me with no complaints. I will stay focused, grateful and faithfully.

In you name I pray.

AMEN

Affirm + Remain Grateful

11/8/19:00pm

Hey Survivors,

Gratitude to me is collection of thank- you’s given in advance or proceeding an kind unselfish gesture.

Being grateful sets us up for a solid foundation to accept more kindness.

When we celebrate the little things by remaining grateful we will always have unlimited abundance.

Why do you remain grateful?

With Hugs and Love,

Lakell

11 ways to feel your Heart’s Desire Lines

When your heart and desires align you will feel…

1. Unlimited energy to work until you fall asleep.
2. New thoughts and ideas will accompany the desire.
3. Moment of joy which is the auntie to happiness.

4. Your higher power’s nudge to keep going
5. Clarity to clear your memories bank’s pathway to your next step.
6. The need to take action naturally without second guessing.
7. Self-validation to grow now.
8. New energy given by the people waiting to help you fulfill this desire.
9. It’s time to put the whole YOU first while accepting all your the flaws
10. That the word “No” is self-love.
11. The need to smile involuntarily.

I hope you enjoy and grow from this list of confirmation that you are on the right track.

How do you know when your heart is aligned with your desires?

Trust changed me {Journey Marker}

Date: July 30, 2013
Time: 5:36 pm

Dear God,

Thank you so much for the revelation 3 days ago. Man, it was a hard blow. I know I got caught up. I wanted to be loved so much that I forgot you are the only one that continues to love me unconditionally. Knowing all that God it still hurt. I stood in the closet that night and prayed for you to protect my heart. Although I forgot that the process would include pain. I feel a shame, hurt, guilt, angry and grateful all at the same time.
I feel shame because I opened my heart and I closed my eyes to the signs. I feel hurt because he could have told me but chose not to I have guilt because I should have known better than to hand my heart over to a stranger

I feel angry because of the in your face disrespect to take no responsibility to just say ” I’m sorry.” Last but not least I am grateful that you God knew what I needed before I asked for it. I know I need to love people anyway because we all make mistakes so I will do that. I will forgive Markus Bolden. PERIOD. But I will never forget how it felt to be hurt by his actions and my neglect. I wish him and his wife the best for years to come. He was in my life for a season and I will say it was a season full of laugh, hugs, kisses and profound intimacy. I felted loved by him truly. I pray to you God that I will find love again at the right time with the right soul attached.
In Jesus Name, I pray
AMEN

Journaling Tip *When you start writing continue writing until the thought ends. NO erasing *

How is trust treating you?